DarkBob
by mega45
Summary: This new story is about a vigilante named Dark-Bob, a mysterious crimefighter who's just now started cleaning Bikini Bottom's crimewave. This story is mostly set in the style of Batman and Darkman and just gritty comics in general.


The murky streets of Downtown Bikini Bottom were a perfect place for robberies and murders. All day (and occasionally night) they were filled with many citizens walking by, down to the point where it was never clear when someone was robbed or stabbed or even shot because of how crowded it was. Vehicular use was only mildly better as the traffic was so slow that an ice age would last shorter in comparison! By the time you could move, someone would have already robbed or stabbed you or fatally damaged your boat! Downtown Bikini Bottom was certainly the worst and most dangerous part of the entire country!

And given the fact that the police of Bikini Bottom would arrest people for _littering, _the idea that such a wild area of an otherwise average country is mind blowing! Of course people have tried walking the streets other ways but always found problems. Night wasn't much of an option seeing as how everyone would've been in bed and also some criminals could perfectly blend in darkness. Trying to fly or glide over the streets, awesome as that is would also never work as it would cost a mighty fortune, something the residents didn't have.

However the dumbest, stupidest, absolute _worst _idea you could ever try is walking down the alleyways! Neptune _himself _could not tell you how many times some _genius_ thought he/she was being _smart _by going down a dark empty lonely alleyway instead of a busy street, where _no one can hear you, see you, or sense you! _As you'd imagine this is where most of the muggings and killings occur but since no one actually _cares _about actual facts and would rather prefer hearing stuff they like, you can guess no one has learned yet.

Cue clueless family walking in one right now. The Hartman's (a family of four which was a father, a mother, a son, and a daughter), were trying to get to a relative's house for a party, but given how long it would take to get there and since the streets were known to be filled with muggers and killers, Mr. Hartman (the father of the group) instantly thought of the alley. No matter how many times Mrs. Hartman tried to beg, they were going through the alleyway no matter what.

As the dark and endless corridors of the alley seemed to consume the Hartman's bodies Mr. Hartman shrugged like the overly cocky idiot he was and proceeded onwards. Naturally it didn't take long for them to confront an old hobo with dirty clothes and a white beard. He walked up to the family and kindly asked,

"Could you spare a dollar please?"

Mr. Hartman (feeling a little sorry) gave him a dollar bill and the family proceeded onward once more… until the hobo confronted them again.

"I'm sorry I had to bother you people but could I have another dollar please?"

Mr. Hartman, clearly getting annoyed handed the hobo another dollar, this time Hobo didn't hesitate and said,

"I think I'll need three more dollars,"

"You need _three _more dollars?"

"You know how the economy sir, I can't survive on two bucks!"

Mr. Hartman in a vain attempt to get this guy off their backs gave the hobo three more dollars. The Hobo happily sighed,

"You've been too kind!"

Right before he pulled out a gun,

"You know I think I'll just take your entire wallet if you don't mind."

"You bas-"

The hobo cocked the gun. As Mr. Hartman raised his fists (yeah that'll work), Mrs. Hartman fainted, and the children followed the mother's plan of action!

"All I need is your wallet sir!"

"Forget it! We already gave you like five bucks!"

"GIVE ME THE WALLET NOW!"

Mr. Hartman gave up and handed the hobo his entire wallet. He looked at it, said:

"Thanks,"

And shot Mr. Hartman down,

"MY LEG!"

Mr. Hartman almost instantly fell down holding his leg while Mrs. Hartman nearly screamed, the Hobo wouldn't take any of that as he pointed the gun at her.

"Do yourself a favor!" He said, "Don't scream!"

The Hobo almost ran away this time until something heavy dropped on him. The Hobo fell down and watched Mrs. Hartman getting the wallet and the money back. After getting up, the hobo saw a square like figure. After starting to see clearly he saw that it wore a fedora hat and trench coat, he also saw that the figure was wearing a black shirt and brown pants. Ripped shoes were its footwear, and gloves protected its hands. The skin of the being was burnt to a crisp, it seemed like its original skin color was yellow.

The figure wore black glasses and had two buck teeth (one of them being chipped), it's belt was blacker than darkness! It also seemed to have some bandages on the left side of its head. The figure walked to the hobo quietly and said,

"Could you spare a dollar please?"

"No, but you can have _this!"_

The hobo shot at it twice, but all it did was get back up (much to the horror of everyone, especially the hobo) and then the figure got out a bottle of fryer grease. It grabbed the hobo's hand and after opening the bottle, poured two drips on the hobo's palm. The hobo screamed with all his might as the two drips were not just extremely hot, they were ungodly hot. The figure just laughed as it let go of the hobo's hand, took off one of its own gloves and poured all of the grease down on its hand. After the entire bottle was empty it put the glove back on, raised out its hand and said:

"Could you spare a dollar please?"

The hobo quickly handed it a dollar (proving he already had cash) as the being just said,

"Thanks," as it grabbed the hobo's gun and shot him down in the same fashion. Mrs. Hartman bravely approached the being and said, "Th-Th-Thank you!"

The figure shook her hand and said, "Anytime".

"H-How can I ever repay you?"

Now was the being's favorite moment as it raised out its hand, "I wouldn't mind having 20 bucks."

"You-you got it" the mother said, as she quickly handed it the money like a smart person would.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, I want you to tell all your friends about me."

"Who are you?"

It hesitated until finally saying

"Dark-Bob."


End file.
